


The case of Erik Lehnsherr

by Riwanon



Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riwanon/pseuds/Riwanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik has a secret that had carefully kept to himself half his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Maxine “Max” Eisenhardt always knew she was different. When she bended the school fence in a fit of rage, she thought that had to be it. But even then, she still felt there was something more that was not right with her.

It was kind of comfortable, being able to relax like that. The place may be a cold government facility, but the chess, the drink and the company made it the warmest place he's been in since... forever, probably. It wasn't exactly home, but it didn't matter. He had never had one, so it wasn't something he would really miss. And yet, the feeling of being in that place, with other people like him after all those long years of solitude was strange.

At first he followed them because he saw them as a way to get to Shaw, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. He had what he came looking for and he had had the opportunity to leave, but with just one word the man who now sat in front of him had made him change his mind. As if knowing he was thinking about him, Charles smiled and leaned to move his white pawn. Erik arched an eyebrow, but tried to relax. He had made Charles swear to him that he would never read his mind without his explicit consent.

“I wonder what is going through your mind,” said Charles, widening his smile, “seeing as this may be the first time you'll have to face defeat by my hands.”

Erik answered with a smile of his own. He was just teasing, he loved doing that. Not that Erik cared. He had to constantly remind himself that Charles was a man of his word and that the rest trusted him not to read their minds even if they hadn't directly ask him not to. He would not do it and his secret would be safe as long as he decided it to be. Still, it was a little unnerving, being in front of a man who could turn so many years of efforts, pain and blood to nothing with just a little gesture. The surgery and the treatment would mean nothing if he could see the memories of his past.

“Keep telling yourself that and maybe some day you'll be close to beat me at chess” said Erik, trying to forget his thoughts and concentrate on the game. He had been spacing out and it was true that Charles had the upper hand at that moment, but Erik knew he could turn the tables with just a few movements.

“Well, if I have to lose I rather it be against you. At least I get to have this little chats” said Charles absentmindedly as he examined the chessboard. “Usually you talk so little about yourself.”

“You go through all this just to get to know me better?” said Erik with a sarcastic smile.

“No, no, my friend. I really enjoy the time we spend together. What with us being the only adults around” Charles stopped killing the chessboard with his eyes and looked at him with a sad smile. “It's just that I know so little about you.”

“You looked into my mind” said Erik with a resentful tone.

“But I don't know everything” said Charles with a little laugh. No matter what he had said that night, of course he couldn't know everything. Erik was sure that if he did, he would not treat him with the same camaraderie he treated him now. Even so, he arched an eyebrow at that, silently urging him to elaborate. It was better to finally know exactly what Charles had saw that night in the water. “I know about your chase, your search for revenge. I know about your pain and I know that you've been through tough times, but I know little about anything before. Just a few images about your childhood.”

Erik looked startled for a moment, but managed to still his expression soon, trying to stop a sigh of relief. He didn't know, of course he didn't know.

“I don't know anything about your childhood either, much less than you know about mine” replied, trying to divert the conversation from himself.

“It was really nothing special” said Charles breaking eye contact for a second. Erik didn't need to be a telepath to know that he was lying, but he let it go for the moment. After all, he had secrets of his own. “You know about me and Raven, though?”

“Yes, you've told me about it” obviously Charles had no intention on letting the topic go.

“She was a real life saver” he sighed. Then his blue eyes looked at him. “How was it for you? Having a sister, I mean. She looked so much like you...”

Erik almost blurted that he didn't have a sister, but then froze when he realized why Charles thought he did. He had seen. He had seen this little girl in his memories, but he hadn't understood. A tinge of disappointment rushed through him, but he shook it off. It was just as well, if he thought he had a sister he would not need to give more explanations about the images from his childhood.

“I'm sorry, my friend” said suddenly when he saw his expression, running a hand through his hair. He had misunderstood his silence as well. “I should have known, it must be painful for you.”

“She's dead and I don't think much about her” he said with a sharp tone. It was technically true. The child under the name of Maxine Eisenhardt had been long dead, disappeared the same day the name of Erik Lehsherr started to exist. He moved his rook and hoped Charles finally understood what that meant. Fortunately, he didn't need to read his mind to know that it was time to change the topic. Erik sighed internally. He could understand Charles being curious, he had that attitude towards nearly everything, but this is none of his or anybody else's business. Erik is tall and he has narrow hips, for what he's thankful. He has paid the price of blood and pain to have his flat chest. He has been read as male since what feels a hundred of years, he knows it, and he also knows that it's better if nobody knows.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 

Erik should have known better than to think Charles would never know. He had always been very observant of everything, having been on the chase for so many years; of course he’d noticed the way Charles always looked at him - but he hadn’t realized what it could entail. Erik thought he could stop it in time. He hadn't noticed the way he looked at Charles.

 

For a moment, no thought crossed his mind. That didn't happen often to him - usually his head was full with his objectives, his fears, and his desire for revenge. Or, what had been the only desire he thought possible, until now. The absence of love in his life was probably the reason why he hadn't seen it coming. His heart had never been important to Erik, but the moment he felt Charles' lips on his it was the only thing he could think about. Before he could stop himself, he was responding fiercely, deepening the kiss, nibbling on Charles’ bottom lip as soon as he had the opportunity. Impulsively, he had started caressing Charles’ soft hair and the shorter man responded by pressing their bodies together against the wall.

The moment he felt it, Erik abruptly pushed one of Charles’ shoulders, putting Charles as far from his body as he could. Their eyes mirrored twin looks of surprise as they panted for air. Charles was confused, it was easy to see, and also a little... betrayed? Perhaps that was the most appropriate word. Charles started as if to say something, but Erik held up his hand, effectively cutting him off.

“I'm sorry, but I can't,” and before anything could make him change his mind, Erik left the room. He considered just returning to the room he slept in, but it didn't feel right. He wasn't in the mood for sitting and he knew he would just end pacing from one end to the other, like a caged animal. A stroll outside would be better; at least it could help him clear his mind.

Erik could only think about how close he had been, how close to discovering what was it like to love and to be loved, how close to something that looked a little bit like happiness. But he could not fool himself - he knew it could not happen. If Charles had kept their bodies pressed together a second more he surely would have notice the emptiness in Erik’s pants, and that would have been the end of Erik's stay in this little group. Erik had to admit that he liked it here, training with the kids and, yes, having a friend, someone he could consider an equal.

He realized that he was outside, but hadn't really walked far from the building. He was just thinking and staring at nothing in particular. The sky was pitch-black, with nearly no light to outshine that of the stars. Every window in the mansion was dark. He heard the steps behind him, deliberate and careful, obviously an act to not scare him further - typical of Charles. Erik pointedly ignored him, his sight still lost in the expanse above them. Charles stopped by his side and stood there for a minute, just gazing at the stars like him. Then he spoke.

“If I have mistaken your friendship for something else and have scared you, I'm very sorry,” Charles murmured. The low and doleful quality of Charles’ voice gave Erik pause for thought, and he turned to look at the mutant beside him. Charles’ face betrayed him not, however, and was as calm and as composed as if he was merely discussing the weather. “But I want you to know that I truly value you as a friend, and that if something is troubling you, you can confide in me.”

Erik opened his mouth to protest, but stopped short. Those impossibly blue eyes were looking at him full of pure concern. Charles had been his friend, even after seeing all the things he had done. Charles had trusted in him and had respected him enough not to look into his mind again, even if sometimes he was desperate to see what Erik was thinking. No doubt that this was one of those moments.

Erik had always assumed that his past, his body was something he had to hide. This had never bothered him until now, now with the taste of Charles’ lips still fresh on his tongue, his scent deep in his nostrils. Did he want that? When they had kissed, he had felt something he thought he would never feel. He had resigned himself to a lonely life, but now Erik thought that maybe, maybe he could have something more. He wanted to kiss Charles again, wanted to rid the pain in his eyes. This was definitely something more than friendship.

“You weren't mistaken,” Erik stated and Charles sighed from relief. Charles’ visible relaxation made Erik smile, but then he didn't know what more to say, so he stayed silent. Charles bit his lip and rested a hand on the crook of his arm, squeezing a little.

He dared a look at Charles’ face. His head was a little tilted, a bright encouraging smile carved into his face and those perfectly blue eyes telling all that words alone couldn't express. Erik heard in his head the far away echoes of _worry it can't be that bad love_ in Charles mind, too strong for Charles to seal away. Maybe it could be worth it. If worst came to worst, Erik would have to go back to his old life, which wasn't all that bad, was it? He had survived for a good number of years and he could do it again. After all, his objective was still the same. He turned his eyes towards the stars, not really wanting to see Charles' face anymore.

“I'm a transsexual man,” he said, simple and direct, but even so he could feel how Charles stopped any movement. Erik could hear faraway waves of confusion slipping from the other man's brain. During those few seconds, neither of them made a single sound. Erik could practically hear Charles' brain working and he started to wonder if he would have to explain himself.

“Do you... does that mean you want to be a woman?” asked Charles with a small stutter. Erik looked at him wide eyed, torn between punching the shorter man in the face and laughing until he fell to the ground. Charles decided for him as the first utterances of a sentence left his mouth, slightly more confident than before. “Because it's fine, I like--”

Erik interrupted with “No, I'm a man,” before his companion could start to ramble. Erik ran a hand through his hair and sighed, endlessly frustrated. The fact that a little voice inside his head told him that he should be glad that Charles was trying to understand made him even more irritated. “I've always been a man and I've never wanted to be anything else. But my body doesn't quite agree.”

“Then you have the body of a woman?” Charles asked, his expression brightening as he thought he was finally starting to understand.

Erik sighed again, settling for something that was not quite correct, but avoided further explanation.  “You could say that.” Erik hated giving explanations; they brought him back to the start of his transition and he didn't like it one bit. Those had been tough times.

Erik headed towards entrance of the building, assuming that the conversation was over for the night. At least it didn't seem like he had to leave his new life, which was good.

Charles' called out for Erik before he could reach the doors. Of course, the conversation wasn't over for Charles; Erik just didn't want to hear what inevitably the rest of it was. “You understand that I still want you? I like you not just for your body, but also for you. For whom you really are.”

Erik looked back and saw the seriousness in Charles’ expression. For a moment, Erik didn't know how to react. This was the first time that something like this had happened to him, but, well, Charles Xavier was hardly an ordinary man. Erik turned to face Charles completely, a forthcoming of a diminutive smile on his face.

“You mean if I still want you, right?” Erik teased, and a burst of laughter left Charles as he walked towards Erik. He stopped, just a few inches separating his bodies. Charles looked at him, his eyes shining on the moonlight. Erik’s heart skipped a beat when he noticed the soft and caring expression the other mutant wore.

“Of course, my friend,” Charles said, but his hand was already caressing Erik’s cheek. “Do you still want me?”

As an answer, Erik hooked an arm around Charles’ shoulders and pulled him violently against his body. A gasp of surprise left Charles' lips, but in a matter of a second, he relaxed and twined his arms around Erik's neck. Slowly, Erik lowered his hands to the small of his companion's back. He felt how Charles stood on his tiptoes, bringing their faces closer for a tender kiss, which Erik soon turned into a fierce battle of tongue and teeth. Both were breathless when they finally separated.

“Come on, it’s late,” said Charles with a final and decidedly chaste kiss. Erik nodded and, without another word, they returned inside the mansion, bolting the doors after them. That night, for the first time in the longest time he could remember, Erik didn't wake to any nightmares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after a lot of editing and real life getting in the way of writing, the second chapter is ready. Special and big thanks to my beta, flavouredice, who is absolutely fantastic and has helped me a lot. I hoped you've enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully see you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Seconds before the sun entered through the bare window and hit his face, the boy opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on the plain punctate surface. Only after a few seconds did he noticed that his breath was still coming out in accelerated gasps, and that he could feel his heart beating inside his head. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, focusing only on the air entering and leaving his lungs.

Before the war, he'd had a family, a life. He'd been a child, nothing more, nothing less. Then the war came and took everything he had. After the war, Erik was alone in the world, protected only by his rage and his desire for revenge.

“You can't let this control you,” he murmured to himself, just like every single morning since he’d been a free man. It was a mantra to escape from the last remnants of his wonted nightmares. As soon as he felt the sun warming his face he got up, furiously kicking the blankets out of his way and stumbled to the basin on the other side of the cramped room. Without thinking twice, the boy ducked his head under the cold water and stayed there. Like every morning, the thought of not taking his head out of the water ever again fluttered across his mind, echoes of the past singing the sound of a sweet promise. But he knew better now. Like every morning, he mentally chastised himself for having such thoughts when there was so much to do before even beginning to think about dying. 

He took his head out and looked at himself in the dirty mirror. A skinny boy, much younger than his real age, looked back at him. He ran a hand through his short hair, trying not to look too much at himself, but at the same time, it was hard not to look at his face. It wasn't that he liked what he saw there, but it brightened him to finally see something that at least was bearable. He liked the way he looked with the water running down his face, eyelashes too wet to see himself properly. He knew that he looked like an animal, but he'd rather be a wild animal up for a fight, than the little girl everyone had seen him as since his birth. 

There was no use thinking about such things, though. He combed his hair backwards with his hand and fished some trousers from the floor, and sniffed them to check that they were still somewhat clean before putting them on. It wasn't like it mattered; he would be sweaty and sticky soon after the work in the factory. He picked up some bandages from a chair, but frowned when he saw them – they were more black than brown, stank like hell and, perhaps worst of all, saggy. He threw them into the bin and moved to the drawer under the basin to retrieve some new ones. He dared not look at himself in the mirror while he wrapped his chest, tightening them just shy of hurting. When he finished, he quickly put on a shirt he found by the only table in the room and looked at himself in the mirror: front first, then turning to check that there were no suspicious bumps visible on his chest. Once he was satisfied, he put on his cap, gave one final appreciative look at himself in the mirror and smiled – a brief and definitely not warm or happy smile, but a true one nonetheless. 

Before Erik could reach the front door of the building, a friendly voice called him, “Erik, leaving again with an empty stomach?” An old plump woman hurried after him, carrying a small bundle in her hands. The woman thrust the fabric into his hands before he could open his mouth. “You have to eat dear boy, or you will pass out while working and get fired.”

“Merci beaucoup, Madame Petit,” he replied, knowing that no amount of complaints would convince the woman that he did not need the food. She was a widow who had lost both husband and children to the war, and took pity on the half-starved German boy that had arrived to town a year ago. He had been sixteen then, but looked even younger, and could speak just enough French to explain that he was looking for a job, any kind of job. After days living here, she had taken a liking to him and treated him nearly like her own son. She brought him leftovers whenever she could and always saw him off in the mornings.

After receiving a final kiss on the cheek from the woman, he went out to the streets and headed for the factory where he worked. It had been easy to find a job, what with the shortage of young men the town had been suffering from when he first arrived and thanks to his forged papers. He had spent all the money he had left on them - there simply was no way he could have made a living with his former documents. The same man that had helped him with them was the one that had directed him to this city lost in France. The anonymous man had told him that he might find something interesting here, and indeed, he had. 

As soon as he discovered that one of his torturers was living there, he picked up his few belongings and took the first train he could find that travelled in the right direction. He had not planned to stay long, but the city had been larger than he thought; too many people and faces that blended to recognize a single man among them. It didn't take him too long to become fluent in French, and now it was just a matter of days until some of his new friends whispered the new false name and the address of the man that would, willingly or not, put him on Schmidt's track. 

He arrived at the factory early, or at least earlier than the rest of workers, as always. He sat in a corner to eat the day old bread and cheese Madame Petit had given to him, waiting for the rest to arrive and start working. Only a few minutes later, he heard some steps entering the factory. He could easily recognize the sound and pace of the man that was now walking up the stairs. Saving the rest of the snack for later, he got to his feet.

“Good morning,” the man said in a monotonous tone, taking his cap off his dark unruly hair. Erik had always thought that the man had an aura of nobility about him too strong to convince him that he was a mere working class man, but he didn't care enough to ask about it. Erik didn't even remember his name, because in that moment there was only one thing about the man that interested him.

“Do you have it?” Erik urged him with a whisper, getting as close to him as he dared. The other man looked around one more time and slipped a little piece of paper in his pocket. Erik smiled, though he was certain that it was more bared teeth than proper smile. He moved his hand to take the paper out, but then he heard other steps and voices entering the building. Erik started turning around, but just before the other men reached the stairs, the man whispered one last thing on his ear.

“The second name is someone you might want to visit on the abandoned house just out of the city,” he said. Erik looked at him, arching a questioning eyebrow. “Testosterone. A bit expensive, but I assure you it will be worth it.”

Erik's eyes opened wide and a thousand questions collapsed into his brain, but before he could say anything, the racket of their co-workers reached them both. Among greetings and loud groans, he saw the man leave to start his work.

When the bell that signalled the end of the workday rang, the man could not find Erik anywhere. He put on his cap with a sight and headed home, suspecting he'd scared the boy enough to run out of the city. He wasn’t surprised when his back violently hit the wall of the empty alley, yet he had doubted that the kid would have had what it took to face him. At that moment, not only did Erik have him cornered in a place where he couldn't possibly get any help, but he could also feel the rusty steel of an old knife on his throat - he couldn't help the proud smile.

"It's ok, little Erik, I’m not going to betray your secret,” he pronounced, raising his hand in a gesture of surrender that somehow felt more like a mockery. 

"How did you know?" grunted Erik, moving nothing save for his lips. His pulse was as firm as his voice, all his fear well locked deep inside his mind.

Smile still plastered on his lips, the man remarked, "Interesting how you worry so much about that, but trusted me so easily with all the information about your hunt." He was so calm Erik couldn't help but get progressively more nervous. Without thinking about it, the knife pressed itself more closely to the man’s skin. The only reason it didn't draw blood was the pitiful state of the blade. 

"I'll kill you, if I have to. Now answer the question," Erik croaked. His fixed eyes and dilated pupils painted a picture of madness, which was probably close to the truth: if that man knew about him, he had a power over him that he couldn't afford. If the police knew about his fake papers, about what he was... No, he wasn't going to jail just because of something as stupid as this, not now when he finally had scent of his real prey. 

"Do not worry. It's just that..." The man sighed, and looked at the sky for words. "I have a friend, you know, he works for the same people that I do. He led me to the contact I told you about. His work isn’t very different from yours, so do not worry - I know how to keep a secret. Now, put that thing away before you hurt yourself. This is hardly the way to have a proper chat.”

Erik's heart was still beating fast in his chest and his breath came out in ragged puffs, but he could sense that the man was speaking the truth, and part of the speech had intrigued him. He lowered his hand, but kept a steady hold on the knife. 

"How did you know?" he asked again when he calmed down slightly. 

"I didn't," the man laughed, "I suspected something, but the contact didn't know anything about you. He's the only one who deals with testosterone in this area. The look on your face confirmed everything, you have a very expressive face, you know?"

Erik turned around and furiously kicked the wall in front of him, before beating it with a naked fist. All his effort, everything he had left behind, all of it was worth nothing if a simple man could destroy it all with just a look. He felt like crying, but that could wait - he was not up to further humiliation in one day. 

"Hey man, I'm sorry, you're not doing a bad job, I swear. It's just that, it's my job to know where to look, and what and when to listen. That's how I find the people I’m looking for.”

Erik slowly turned to face the man. He had assumed he would have fled as soon as he could, but for some reason he had stayed in the exact same spot where he had been, with that stupid smile still on his face. 

"Are you mocking me?" he growled, showing as many teeth as he could. 

"No, Dieu, no" he took a step closer to Erik, who just kept staring at him. "I really have your best interest in mind, believe me. Let's just say... you've caught my attention.” 

Erik blinked once, then twice. Suddenly, he knew what was going on, but only because he had seen it happen to other people. He couldn't quite believe it, not yet, but the way the man was looking at him left no doubt. Women didn't look at Erik like that, nor did men - not until now. He couldn't say it was something that he had longed for; the only way he had paid attention to other people was to measure how he could use them to achieve his goal. He had treated his waking sexuality as another annoying need of his body, and had satisfied it as best as he could on his own. Now though... Erik felt curiosity.

He noticed that he was breathing at a normal pace again and that he had unknowingly put the knife back in his pocket. He looked at the man under a new light. Tall, even taller than him, not especially handsome, but not ugly either. The most remarkable thing about him was his big brown eyes. 

"I see now I've caught your attention, too," the man said, smile growing on his face. The expression on his face made him look stupid, although he had proved himself much more intelligent that Erik would have believed. Erik did not move, but when the man started getting closer to him, Erik didn't stop him. The man halted close enough that Erik could feel his breath on his mouth. He was waiting for the boy to make the first move. Finally, Erik dared to touch his arms, firm muscles born from hard work. It could be worth it to try. Besides, Erik was going to receive the information he had come to France for in a couple of days and then he would leave without a second thought. If he didn’t want to, he would never see this man again.

"Then tell me, what are you going to do about it?" Erik whispered in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter! Again, special thank to flavouredice, because without her this probably wouldn't continue, and all who have commented or just read it.   
> Just a little warning; in this chapter Erik uses bandages to bind just because there was nothing else available then. Binding with bandages is really dangerous and now are much better options available. Remember to stay save!  
> Hope to see you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Erik couldn’t remember very clearly the first time he had slept with a man; by the end, he'd been too drunk to remember most of it. Instead, he remembered perfectly how his first time with a woman had been: in a darkened alley, without looking at her face and pinning the girl’s hands to the wall so she wouldn’t be able to touch him. Both experiences had left him so disgusted that he hadn’t thought about having sex for a very long time. 

"Are you up to a game of chess?" Charles asked once Raven and Hank had said their goodnights. Erik nodded silently and got up, carrying with him a couple of glasses as Charles picked up the scotch. Nothing had changed much since the first time they had kissed, just a few of days ago. Charles said it was too early on in this thing they had to let the others know and Erik couldn't agree more, especially since neither of them yet dared to put a name to what they had. So they trained during the day with the children and, on nights like this one, they retired to the library to play chess. Just as they have been doing since they arrived at the mansion. 

Erik sat on what he had come to think of as his chair and poured both of them a finger of scotch while Charles put the pieces on their proper places. They stared intently into each other’s eyes until finally a smile grew on Charles’ face. With a chuckle, Charles took his glass, walked over, and sat on Erik's lap. Well, maybe some things had changed. Charles sipped his scotch, eyes never leaving Erik's face. Erik finally answered Charles’ smile with one of his own while his hand came to neatly rest on Charles' hip. With a soft sigh, Charles leaned in and lightly kissed Erik's lips. 

"I don't know how I've gone through the whole day without doing this," whispered Erik, his free hand caressing Charles' hair. They kissed again, this time deeper and longer, without rush. When they parted as softly as the kiss had been, Charles looked at him with a smile.

"You're playing white. Come on, make your move," Charles said. Erik carelessly moved one of his pawns with a flicker of his finger, not even looking at the board, and went back to kissing Charles, parting Charles’ lips with his tongue, tasting him thoroughly. Charles pulled away with a smile, reached to the other side of the table and moved a pawn of his own. The first day they had played like this Erik had offered to move Charles’ pieces with his powers too, but Charles had refused. It had to be awkward for Charles to play like this, but he seemed not to care. It was the only time of the day that they could act as… lovers, for lack of a better term, and neither were thinking about spending it at chessboard distance. 

"You're lovely with your lips so red," Erik whispered suggestively in Charles' ear. 

Charles chuckled, "You're going to have to try harder if you intend to make me lose my concentration." Instead of moving another piece, Erik kissed Charles again. They both knew that the game was over, the shortest they had managed. The night before they at least had gotten to five moves each. 

Before they realized just how much time they had spent in each other arms, the chime of the clock reminded them that it was time to sleep. Just like the other nights, they abandoned the library hand in hand, but with a bit of a sour face, knowing that their day was over. Charles' bedroom was a few doors before Erik's in the hallway, so they stopped before his door, still not willing to part. Smiling, trying to be as silent as possible now that they were so close to the sleeping children, Charles stood on his tiptoes and pecked him on the lips. 

"Goodnight, my friend," Charles whispered into Erik’s ear. 

"Goodnight," Erik murmured. As Erik started to turn around, a hand on his arm stopped him. Charles was trying not to look at him in the eyes.

"Would you, we don't have to do anything, just... would you like to come in?" Charles asked. Erik looked at him attentively. Charles was fiddling with the hem of his cardigan, but didn't look embarrassed; Charles’ eyes were now on Erik and in them, he could see a hint of hesitation. 

"Do you want me to come in?" replied Erik, trying not to sound too anxious, but also knowing he was fooling no one. He was nervous about seeing what this thing between them was becoming, but at the same time, he was eager to see what they could become together. Erik couldn't help feeling a stir of desire inside him on a level that he had never felt before, a longing for the kind of intimacy from which he had been always trying to run away. Erik hadn’t noticed how close Charles had gotten to him, but now their lips were a mere sigh away from each other, Charles’ eyes so intense one could think he was trying to crawl inside Erik’s very skin.

Charles brushed their lips together while wearing a wicked grin, without turning, opened the door, and walked backwards into the room, followed very closely by Erik. Once the door was closed, Charles attacked his mouth with fierceness previously unknown. Erik responded with the same force, losing himself in that mouth until he felt the world move under his feet. Charles had led them to the bed and they laid down side-by-side, but the only thing Erik cared about was Charles' lips on his, their tongues fighting and their hands trying to press their bodies together as close as physically possible with their clothes still on. 

Erik had never felt anything like this in his whole life. He had slept with a very limited number of people and none of them had meant anything more than an awkward one-night stand. He knew this was different, so very deliciously different. Charles was his friend, but also more. Any other man would have struggled to put a name to it, but Erik felt content knowing that they shared something that was beyond words.

When their lips parted, Erik was on his back, looking at the most beautiful blue eyes. He didn't know when Charles had gotten on top of him, but the weight of his smaller body felt wonderful against him. He relaxed under the pressure while Charles skilfully took off his own vest and shirt, letting Erik see for the first time what they hid. Before he could reach to touch him, Charles pressed their bodies together again, his hand playing with the edge of Erik’s shirt in a silent question.

Erik tensed a little at the realization that this was the first time Charles was going to see him shirtless. When Erik couldn't help but squirming a little, Charles stopped his hand and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Erik relaxed again against those soft lips and felt a hand slipped under his shirt. He focused on controlling his breathing, not wanting Charles to notice how nervous he actually was.

“May I touch you, Erik?” Charles whispered, his lips teasingly brushing his ear and, God, how could he not want it. He hastily nodded, but still he couldn't help twitching a bit as he felt the hand ascend. It had been a long time since Erik had been this close to someone and couldn't help but feeling how old fears long forgotten came back to him. He breathed, trying to calm down as one of Charles' hands was nearly touching the scars on his chest and the other entwined their fingers together. All Erik could feel was that hand pinning his own into the mattress, a hand that now felt like a chain. The hand was now touching the scars, as if mocking him farther. He could not breath, he had to break free. 

What to him felt like a weak push, sent Charles to the other end of the bed, but his vision was too out of focus to notice. He got up and started to scramble towards the door, when a voice called his name, stopping him. He felt how his head cooled rapidly, blinked and looked around. He still was fully clothed and a very worried-looking Charles stared at him from the bed, his hands holding the sheets as if to stop himself from physically holding Erik. All the metal in the room was twisted and even melted in some parts. 

“Please, Erik, calm down,” with the words Erik felt a tentative, calming touch in his mind, but it withdrew before he could be sure it was real. Charles' slightly guilty face confirmed his thoughts.

“Stay out of my mind, Charles,” he said slowly, now consciously backing towards the door. Only the panicked expression in his companion face stopped him from bolting out of the room. 

“I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry,” Charles' voice was calm, his face once again under control. “Please, don't leave now, not like this”. 

Silence extended between them, but Erik could still hear his heartbeat in his ears. He looked at the white ceiling and calmed his breath. He repeated in his mind that here he was safe, that he was in neither the camps, nor running away. Charles wasn't there to torture him; Charles was his friend, his first real friend since he was a child. 

“How do you feel now?” 

“Better.”

“Can I... get close to you?” Something tugged at Erik’s heart at Charles’ nearly pleading voice. He nodded and Charles sighed in obvious relief before getting to his feet, closing the distance that had seemed infinite just a second ago. Charles’ arms felt warm around him, the head on his shoulder, reassuring. Erik caressed Charles' soft hair, kissing the top of his locks. 

“I'm sorry about the room,” Erik said a bit awkwardly, and felt Charles chuckle against his shoulder.

“That's the lesser of my worries right now, I assure you,” Charles separated from him enough to look into his eyes. One hand rose slowly, giving Erik more than enough time to get away if he desired. When Charles saw that Erik hadn't moved an inch from him, Charles slowly caressed his face. Erik pressed his cheek against his fingers. “I believe that we should not do this now.”

“Charles, that is not what I meant, I...” Erik didn't know how to continue. Charles’ statement had taken Erik aback, his mind a blur of every idea that had been lurking inside, of his fear of being abandoned again. 

“What I mean is that I think we should talk before we do anything else.” Charles smiled at him, warm and reassuring.

“I do want to sleep with you,” Erik assured to him. An amused smile grew on Charles’ lips, before turning fond.

“That's delightful to hear, and I assure you that I desire the same,” still fully clothed save for his shirt, Charles went to the bed and got under the covers, holding them up for Erik, “But please come over here.” With a smile Erik could not avoid, he got in, but not before taking his shoes off. Once he was in bed, Charles laid his head on Erik’s shoulder. “We can spend the night talking, love. We have all the time in the world.” Erik sighed and nodded, still feeling a bit awkward about how the night had developed. Charles just smiled a little and kissed the knuckles of one of Erik’s hands. 

“Is it okay if I ask you what happened back then? What made you react like that?” Charles asked slowly, purposely careful. Erik nodded slowly against his hair, but then frowned, thinking of the best way to explain what had happened. Charles probably knew about the tortures he had suffered in the camps, learnt about it when he read Erik’s mind the first time they met. That alone made him feel vulnerable enough and, somehow, made it even harder to talk about it aloud. He was about to tell Charles that maybe talking now wasn't a good idea when Charles spoke again. “You do not like your chest being touched?”

“What?” Erik asked perplexed.

“I was about to touch your chest when... I'm sorry, I thought it was fine if I did, but if you don't want me to I won't, I promise,” Charles voice became a little anxious as he spoke.

“I don't mind you touching my chest,” Erik said, unconsciously starting to pet Charles’ hair, trying to calm himself down a bit, “even if I don't feel much in that area, not after the surgery. But,” silence stretched between them again. Charles turned a little to look at Erik’s eyes and reassuringly squeezed his hand.

“You don't have to tell me now,” Charles said, but he didn't understand that Erik needed him to know. If not, he knew Charles would never touch him again as freely as he had until now, for fear of hurting him.

“I hadn't noticed before, probably because it's been years since anyone has touched me, but I can't stand being restrained, in any way. It makes me feel like... like I'm back in the Doktor's chair,” Erik didn't dare to look at Charles, but he could still hear him gasp. He didn't want to look at his eyes for fear they would be full of pity, so he stared blankly at the wall. 

“God, I didn't... I'm so sorry,” his voice sounded so sorrowful that Erik couldn't help a little dark chuckle.

“I think you've apologised enough for the day,” against his better judgement, he looked back at Charles. Fortunately, Charles’ face only reflected remorse, any other emotion erased by it. “None of what happened to me back then is your fault, Charles”.

“No,” he agreed, “but not to have noticed, not to have even thought about it, all that is my fault. It is very difficult to read you like this.” 

As he talked, Charles' eyebrows came together, his tongue flickering through his lips in a swift movement. Erik looked at him with curiosity, for it was the first time he saw the other man make such a frustrated expression. He accommodated Charles more comfortably between his arms, before asking.

“Like this?”

“Not being able to read your mind. I'm not complaining, Erik, you have every right to have privacy in your own mind”, Charles said while stirring a bit. Erik waited for him to continue, not really knowing where the conversation was going. Finally, Charles sighed. “It's really hard for me to know what you're feeling if I can't get into your mind. I swear I try my best, but still, at times it's like staring at a wall. Any other person would have notice that you didn't want to have your hand held so forcefully.”

Erik was left speechless by the frustration he knew Charles felt at himself. When they first met Erik had been more than a little worried and a bit scared of Charles' power, had only thought of preserving everything in his mind. Charles had agreed without a question when Erik told him to stay completely out of his mind and they had never talked about it again. 

“You don't seem to have any trouble with Raven,” was what ended up leaving his lips. He hadn't wanted it to sound like an accusation, but maybe a bit of jealousy seeped into his voice.

“I’ve known her since we were children. At first, she let me wander in and out of her mind whenever I wanted. It was only when we grew that she desired privacy, but at that point, I knew how her mind worked; I know Raven. I don't know you that well, not yet.”

The “yet” stirred something inside Erik that he rapidly pushed aside. It was no time to get hopeful. For a moment he wondered what it would be like if he let Charles inside his mind, but Erik couldn't contemplate the idea without starting to feel panic growing inside of him. No, his mind was too much of a mess for anyone to wander in, much less Charles. His hatred, his pain, his memories were his to protect; Charles didn't belong there.

“You know I can't let you in, not if I can't control what you will see.”

“I understand, but you have to know that sometimes, I can't really control it,” at this Erik gasped and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Charles went on talking. “Accessing to your memories, that I need to concentrate on. But strong feelings are harder to block out, both ways.”

“So back then...”

“It wasn't my intention to enter your mind without your permission, I was just worried”. That had to be an understatement; never since that first time had Erik felt Charles in his mind, and there had been times when he just knew Charles was dying to reach to his mind. 

They let minute after minute pass them by, too comfortable in the renewed silence to break it. But Erik knew it couldn't last forever, especially as he noticed Charles was getting a bit restless by side. 

“I want to show you.” Charles arched an eyebrow at this, looking at him with curiosity shining in his eyes. “You took off your shirt, it's only fair.” 

Taking Charles by his shoulders, Erik gently moved him away so that he could take his shirt off without elbowing him. It was the first time anyone had seen his chest bare after the surgery and he hesitated before finally flinging the shirt away. 

“I don't know about the situation in, well, legal hospitals, but a couple of years ago I heard of a man who could do this. It was dangerous, it was expensive, and I had to be out of service for a few months. I haven't regretted my decision for a single day,” Erik briefly explained while Charles intently looked at his chest as if it was a new thesis paper on genetics. 

“This is the work of an illegal surgeon? It's incredible. There's scarring, of course, but much less than one would expect in...” Charles blushed a little when he realized that he had been babbling and about to reach for the scars. He tentatively looked back at Erik. “Sorry, I was rambling.”

“You can touch me if you still want to,” Erik said in what he hoped was a neutral voice. He still wasn't sure he liked being looked at the way Charles had been looking at his chest just a few seconds ago. The other man hesitated, but then instead of touching his scars, he reached to caress Erik’s shoulder. Coaxing Erik close, Charles pecked him on the lips and stayed there, barely a sigh away.

“You are wonderful,” Charles whispered on Erik’s mouth. Erik sighed nervously, tearing his eyes from the blue eyes in front of him just before a firm hand forced him to look back. He tried to speak, but Charles' lips on his stopped him. The hand on his shoulder started to go down, brushing his chest and scar tissue for a second before continuing its path to his hip, the tip of his fingers travelling across all the others scars. “You are wonderful and I love you.”

Those simple words took all resistance from Erik. He crushed Charles against him in a hug, devouring his mouth and relishing in the feeling of their bare chests pressed together. Charles wrapped his hands around Erik’s neck, and pulled them together against the bed again. They nipped at each other’s lips and shared a long kiss before stopping and staring into each other eyes. The spell was broken when Charles yawned.

“Time to sleep?” Charles smiled a bit nervously and set himself under the covers before arranging his pillow. Erik's disappointed look made Charles smiled even wider. Charles took another pillow and gave it to Erik. “Together, if you’d like.”

Not wanting to spoil the moment by saying anything, Erik accepted his pillow and laid down beside him. Silently, Charles turned off the lights and curled next to him. Erik couldn't be sure if it had been part of a dream or a real telepathic message, but just before falling asleep he was sure he had heard Charles' voice saying, “This is the first time I've just slept with someone like this. I love it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just seen that it's been two months since the last update. I'm really sorry, but this chapter has been a true struggle. But, a few versions of the same chapter later and after nearly solving all by throwing Charles out of a window (sorry, I swear I love them both) here it is and I hope you've all enjoyed it.   
> Big thanks to all who give the fic kudos, leave comments or just read it and special thanks to my beta, flavouredice, without who I've probably abandoned this fic.


	5. Chapter 5

The Xavier's Mansion ground could hold a town by itself, or so it seemed. This would have been a wonderful place to live in as a child, Erik was sure: miles and miles of land to explore just outside your door. Charles looked at him smiling at his awed expression.

"I used to come here all the time when I was a child," said Charles, his eyes turned nostalgic and filled with pain as he looked at the trees that surrounded them. "Here I didn't have to hear anything I didn't want to. Back then I didn’t know how to control my power. Sometimes things got a bit out of control and I heard the thoughts of the people around me, though I never really intended to. It was better feeling alone because I was here, than feeling lonely inside a house full of people."

Erik squeezed his hand reassuringly. When they first had arrived at the mansion, he had pictured Charles as a fat, spoiled child. Apparently, the man hadn't known much of that on his childhood. Erik had envied the freedom and money Charles had, but when they talked about their childhoods, Charles had said it was him who was jealous of the love Erik had received from his mother. 

"Don't let me get too lose on this depressing feelings, love," said Charles with a little dismissive laugh. He had taken to call him that when they were alone instead of “friend” about three days ago. At first Erik had cringed at the word; no one had even called him that without mockery or falseness. He was surprised to hear the word said with such a purity and conviction as if it was an irrefutable truth."I've had too much of that and we're here for other purposes."

Erik nodded and reached with his hand to feel the world around them with just his powers. He felt four, no, five of the tools Charles and the kids had been scattering among the trees. They were quite close, so he assumed there had to be more. He took a deep breath and concentrated on expanding his power a little, not losing "sight" in any moment of the tools he had already found. Nothing, so he pushed a little further until he had to stopped. It was as if he had hit a barrier that he couldn't break. He felt sweat starting to run down his forehead.

"How many do you have?" he heard Charles voice by his side and in that moment he had to lessen his range a bit. It was just too exhausting, listening and keeping such a wide range of power at the same time. 

"Five, all of them no more that five or six metres from us," Erik struggled to answer. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, my friend, concentrate. You can do much better that this," the encouraging words dissolved into the air as he fought to concentrate further. He tried to think of every moment in his life in which he had been hurt, every single person that had done him harm; he thought of what he had done to the men he had found and what he would do to the rest when he finally found them. One after another, a total of fifty assorted metal objects came flying through the trees branches until the landed with a clang around their feet. Once it was over he felt a wave of exhaustion run through his body. He opened his eyes and saw Charles smiling and kneeling to sit down next to him. He hadn't noticed he had fell to the ground.

"Very well done, Erik, especially since there are a couple of things I don't remember bringing here," Charles said in a tone that showed he was clearly amused. He put his arm over Erik's shoulders. "Such an incredible range, such a potential. I'm very proud of you, Erik."

"But it's still not good enough, is it?" Erik murmured to his feet. He felt Charles arms close around him, his shorter body shifting so they ended face to face. Then he pressed their foreheads together and Erik could see that he was still smiling. 

"You will get there, all of us will," he said with such a reassuring voice, Erik had no choice but believe him. His lips twitched in something similar to a smile and he brought his hand to Charles' neck, caressing it. 

"Sometimes I think you put too much hope in me," he said in a tone that left a bitter taste on his mouth. Charles took a breath, ready to reply, but before he could say anything Erik changed his expression to a more playful one. "We are done with my training for the morning, right?"

"If you think so. I still have a couple more ideas to try your powers, though," Charles said lifting one eyebrow, regarding him with a cautious but amused expression. 

"You've spent a lot of time thinking of different kinds of training for all of us," Erik said with a matter-of-fact tone. 

"Not only me, the children have collaborated too," Charles said, and when Erik looked at him with a doubtful expression he laughed. "Well, some of them. Mostly Hank."

"The thing is you help us train the whole day and I've come to think... when do you train?"

"Oh, my friend, I think the time is better spent helping all of you train. I'm not going to blow up anything with my telepathy."

"Are you sure?" Charles looked at him with a curious glance at the same time he broke their embrace to properly sit before him. 

"What do you mean?" Erik couldn't help but feel the slightly offended tone in which Charles had spoken, though his expression was the same as when they discussed philosophy over a glass of scotch. 

"You told me yourself. Too strong feelings and thoughts leek into and out of your mind, without you being able to control them," Charles lips pursed in answer as his eyes broke contact for a second. 

"I can't control them because they are too strong to be controlled, that's it. It doesn't interfere with my ability, it's not dangerous neither for me nor for the people around me."

"Yet. You don't know what could happen."

"So, let's be clear about this, you are proposing that I train blocking other people thoughts and my own," Charles paused during a second for effect. "How do you suggest I do that? Especially when you don't want me anywhere near your head."

At this, Erik didn't know what to say. Charles' powers were to be feared, but he knew there could be even more, he could be even stronger that he was now and he, from a purely strategic point of view, wanted an ally with such a power, a power no one could match. Of course, the only way for Charles to train would be to mess with someone's head, someone who volunteered to be his lab rat. Charles would never use the children for something like that, nor would he use him. Not without his permission.

“Do I want to train, to see what I can do? Of course I want to, but...” he shook his head, “but not at such a high cost. It doesn't really matter, not as long as my power doesn't become something dangerous for the people around me.” Charles got up and offered a hand to Erik. Both men walked slowly among the trees, close enough that their shoulders bumped more often than not. Still, the rest of the day Erik couldn't help but think about what they had talked. 

 

That night they took the chess board to Erik's room and sit themselves comfortably near the window. The full moon and the stars had been so beautiful outside that it was a pity it had started raining; Charles would have looked gorgeous lighted by the moonlight. He felt a presence behind him and a warm hand on his shoulders, slightly massaging it and moving toward his neck. 

“What worries you, love?” he whispered, his lips against his hair. He felt a little peck on his neck. “Erik, you've been with your head in the clouds the whole day. Talk to me, please.”

“After what we've talked this morning I've been thinking... you've never really explained me how your telepathy works.”

“Do you really want me to explain how my brain works or how it affects other people brains?” he clearly had wanted to sound playful, but his caresses had stopped.

“No, nothing technical. Just what you can do...” he shifted a bit uncomfortable, “how it feels for you.”

“How it feels?” he asked himself out loud at the same time that he squeezed Erik's shoulders one last time before walking away and sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked at him full in the eye and smile. “I can't express how happy it makes me that you asked, but it is not easy to talk about feelings.”

“Of course” sighed Erik. 

“Although...” Charles added, doubt settling on his eyes, “I could show you, if you let me”.

Erik's expression closed in a second, seriously considering his offer for the first time. He could trust Charles, that much was clear. Not only was it fair that Erik tried to understand Charles better, but he wanted to. It was the first time he had been so fascinated about another person and he suspected that it was more than just the effect Charles had on people. 

“Will you look at my memories?” he asked cautiously. This first sign of Erik's absolute refusal cracking made Charles beam. 

“Not if you don't want me to” said getting up and taking Erik's hand in his and guiding him until both of them were sitting on the edge of the bed. Charles looked at him with a serious expression in his face. “You don't have to do this if you don't want to.”

“But I want to” and, to Erik's surprise, it was true. “Just explain me what you are going to do.”

“I'm going to touch your brain very lightly, just make my presence known. You would feel more comfortable if I don't send words or feelings first, right?” Erik nodded and looked at the light that had ignited Charles' eyes. Slowly, as if not to scare him, Charles got closer to him. He reached with his hands, and Erik thought he was going to put his fingers on his temple, as he had seen him do so many times, but instead, he cupped his face and brought their foreheads together. As soon as he saw Charles' eyes close he felt it. It was nothing like the night they first met. That time, he had felt him enter his mind like an stampede, searching and retrieving information with a violence he could barely imagine in a man like him. Now his touch felt like a soft caress; Charles' presence both outside and inside him felt like something very close to what other people called “peace”. In that moment he decided that he could live with that, maybe even get use to it.

“It's... it's wonderful, Charles” he whispered for the fear of breaking the magic of the moment if he spoke louder. He saw Charles smile slightly, but still he did not open his eyes. 

“Do you want me to go deeper?” he asked softly, trying not to break his concentration. 

“No memories” Erik warned.

“No memories, don't worry. I'll stop as soon as you tell me to” Charles whispered and Erik felt his presence in his mind widen, grow stronger and warmer. Then, the first wave of feeling, weak as it was, came and Erik nearly made him stop. The wave itself had been a brief caress, but the feeling in it was so powerful it made something in his chest hurt. His first instinct had been to reject it, throw it away as far as he could... until he understood what that feeling was. After the first shock, he recognized in the waves that softly touched his mind the friendship and trust he also felt; and wrapping and mixing itself with all the other emotions, joining them all, he recognized pure love. There was no other word for what he felt exuding from Charles presence in his mind. 

He felt himself relax around it, letting himself sink in the sea of Charles feelings. In the distance, he heard a hesitant hum, a warning before hearing clearly in his mind “what do you think?”. Before he could talk his mind got full of thoughts of wonder and marvellous and he felt Charles chuckle inside him. Tentatively, he thought as clearly as he could “can you hear me think when you're like this?”. He thought it didn't have work as he didn't felt Charles presence waver ever a bit, but then he heard the answer “Yes, but only feelings and clear thoughts like that one” he felt a waver of hesitation “if I go back to what I did before I can only hear what you purposefully send to me, don't worry”. Erik felt Charles starting to retreat, but before he started to fade, Erik stopped him. He felt a question mark appearing in his brain, but aside of that everything stayed the same. Then, still feeling a bit weird using his mind like that, he sent mirror feelings to those that Charles had shared with him. He heard Charles gasp in front of him before seeing him smile at the same time that his presence in his mind grew warmer. Without opening his eyes, Charles closed the distance to kiss him slowly on the lips.

“Do you...” he suddenly blurted, tripping over his words, “Do you feel safe with me?”

“I've never felt safer in my life” Erik said. When Charles opened his eyes he saw his friend smiling and he could see in his mind a trust that he hadn't thought it was possible for the man to feel. Knowing Charles would feel it, Erik sent a nudge of desire in his direction that soon was answered with the same feeling.

They kissed again, this time more fiercely, fighting for the control of each other mouth. Slowly, Charles took his shirt off. Erik got close to him, touching his bare shoulders with his big hands before slowly descending them through his chest. That milky white skin full of freckles felt amazing under his fingers, but it was the way Charles looked at him what made him nearly lose his head. Erik had never seen those blue eyes so full with desire, those parted lips so red after just a few kisses. They looked so delicious that he couldn't help claiming them again.

Then he moved back and in a rapid movement, before he had time to start doubting again, he took his shirt off. He saw Charles' eyes wide a little with surprise, but he couldn't know exactly why. He'd rather not think about it, just in case. If he started to doubt again, he would probably just leave that room and never want to be alone with him ever again. It was Charles who closed the distance between them and put a hand on his shoulder, caressing it with small circles. He nearly had forgotten that now their minds were linked, that Charles could feel what he was feeling. “Just gladly surprised of your straightforwardness, love” Charles voice in his brain told him. A faint wave of discomfort run through him before fading completely, replaced by the knowledge that he could trust that man with his life.

"You can touch me, you know? I'm not made of glass" Erik snickered when Charles' hands didn't move from his shoulders, still a bit more nervous than he would like to admit. Instead of feeling offended, Charles smiled and kissed him. Slowly, carefully, he started to touch his arms before sliding his hand to his chest. He lightly touched his nipples with his fingertips.

"Do you feel anything?" asked Charles.

"Nothing there and just a little bit around" Erik answered in a gasp. It was true that he didn't feel anything in his skin, but just seeing Charles touching him was so erotic that he felt how the whole of his body grew hotter. He just managed to add, "but it's nice watching you do that".

Charles showed him one of his mischievous smiles, knowing what he was doing to him. He spent a little more time just running his hands all over his chest and abdomen, before changing a little his path. Charles put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him into a chaste kiss, though that was far from his real intention. Soon, the kiss became more heated, more teeth and tongue and hands all over each other bodies. He noticed how he felt a little push before crushing on the soft surface of his bed, Charles over him. He gasped when they broke their kiss and tried to protest, but no word left his mouth as Charles' lips were on his neck, descending to his shoulder. He left a wet trace after him, licking and biting and making Erik gasp and moan. 

He felt the heat all over his body and knew he had to do something before it went too far. Taking Charles face between his hands, he coaxed him back to his mouth and changed their positions in a swift move. Charles didn't resist, even though he looked as flushed as he felt. The sight of Charles smiling under him, all red and lost in pleasure took his breath away. Without wasting another second, he kissed Charles lips once more before moving to his neck. Then he felt it, a wave of pleasure that wasn't his own running through him. He kissed him there again, just wet lips on white skin. He could feel Charles faint voice telling him not to leave love bites, not sure if he had actually spoken out loud or said it to his mind. He would had loved to bite him, to leave marks for everyone to see, marks that told everybody who he belonged to. He erased those thoughts from his mind and just enjoyed the feeling of that satin skin under his lips.

He went down, leaving a wet trail similar to the one Charles had marked on his own chest, but he had a clear destination. He run his tongue on his bellybutton, enjoying the moans and waves of pleasure that his caresses arose. Charles' noises were the best orchestra he had ever heard. Then he stopped and looked at his eyes at the same time a wandering finger traced his thin haired happy trail. He loved the look on Charles' face: cheeks impossibly red, shiny blue eyes fixed on him and little beads of sweat already forming on his forehead. 

"Come on, Erik, don't stop" Charles urged him, reaching with a hand to caress his hair. Erik dwelt a little on the touch before putting his hands to work. He unbuttoned Charles' trousers and gently touched the hard bulge under them. The man gasped and sighed his name. Lowering his head, he kissed his bulge over the underwear, making Charles say something on the line of "don't be a tease, just do it"; it was quite hard to be sure what his exact words were, but the feeling in his head was clear. Charles was reduced to muttering and half saying unintelligible words and Erik loved every second of it. He put his hands on the hem of the trouser and slowly, oh so painfully slowly, he lowered them, leaving his underwear exactly where it was. He mouthed his erection again, this time kissing it more fiercely, sucking and licking all over it. 

"God, Erik, stop. Come on. Please, take 'em... please, Erik" was the only thing he could hear. Erik would had loved to see his face in that exact moment, but Charles' hand had made prey of his hair and was dragging his face to where he really wanted to be touched. Taking pity on him, he finally pulled the underwear out of the way, freeing the erection from the constriction of the fabric. It stood against his stomach, red and the most beautiful image he'd ever seen. Without thinking twice, he swallowed him all he could without taking it down his throat and heard Charles' cry over him, more incoherent each second that passed. He alternated kisses and licks with swallows, occasionally sucking hard enough to make him cry even louder. Erik started to taste the pre-come on his tongue, not really sweet but he could not think of anything more delicious in that moment. He took him in his mouth again, ready to lead him to his orgasm, and started bobbing his head up and down, touching with his hand where he couldn't reach with his lips and speeding his pace little by little.

"Erik, stop, stop, stop" he suddenly heard and the pair of hands that had been glued to his head the whole time, close in a tight clasp that made him release his prey. Still, he clearly heard a whimper of frustration escape Charles' lips that reflected on his mind. 

"What's wrong?" Erik asked, a little out of breath himself and way to deep in lust not too look a little wild at Charles. 

"I don't want... just yet" explained Charles, still much inarticulate. Erik wondered how he could even think, when he knew the only thing in his mind was going back to the task he had been carrying on just a few seconds ago and Charles had to know that. "I want you."

Those words sobered him a little bit. Sure, he still had his pants on. And it was easy to understand that Charles would want to see him naked just as much as Erik had wanted to see him naked. It didn't mean it wasn't hard. He realized how much light there was in the room now, the small lamps suddenly too bright. They weren't in a cheap motel room nor a darkened alley, they were in his own room in Charles' house. And the man in front of him was not just anybody, he WAS Charles. He cared about Charles and if things went wrong... He felt a hand on his cheek and a soft kiss on his lips, and only then did he realize that he had closed his eyes. 

"You have nothing to worry about, Erik" he assured him, his blue eyes fixed on him and a wave of calm brushing his mind, "I would love to see you if you would do me the honour to allow me."

The thought crossed his mind that Charles could have easily made him have blind trust on him, with just a little flick of his mind. The fact that he didn't even think about it made him trust him even more. Other people who had assured him that everything was okay, had backed off in the last second at the sight of his anatomy, but Charles was not just anyone. He looked back at him and kissed him, tenderly licking his lips. Then he nodded: he wanted to do it and he wanted to do it with Charles, only Charles. 

He slid the button out of its hole, but a soft touch stopped him. Charles was smiling at him with that wicked expression he had come to know so well in the past few days. He couldn't help but smile back, and let him unfasten the buttons of his trousers. 

"Tell me if you don't feel comfortable with this" said Charles, but Erik gave him a crooked smile. 

"I told you I'm not made out of crystal" said Erik back, taking Charles' hand in his and urging him to touch where he both feared and needed to be touched. A tentative touch of calmness brushed his mind and only when he relaxed against it did it expand through his whole body. "Touch me as much as you want."

"Then I must obey" responded Charles with a devilish smile at the same time he cautiously sneaked his hand inside Erik's trousers, touching him over his underwear. He couldn't help tensing a little, but as soon as Charles started to run his fingers up and down, exploring and pleasuring him, he became putty on the shorter man's expert hands. Charles finally pulled his trousers down and knelt as he did so in front of him. 

"I'm going to do to you the exact same thing you've been doing to me, since you seem to have enjoyed that so much" Charles said with a casual tone his smile promptly betrayed. Erik couldn't help but groan as a beam of pleasure went through his body, even though Charles wasn't so much as brushing any part of him. Charles widened his smile, a sign that clearly meant he was proud of himself for making him feel like that with just his words. Then his expression changed to one of pure concentration and with one swift movement, he put down Erik's pants and discarded them to the pile where the rest of their clothes were. Then, for one painful second, he just stared at what was in front of him. Erik swallowed but didn't say a thing, promising himself to be a little more patience than usual, which he had to admit, maybe wasn't all that much. He tried to feel for something in his mind that was not his own, but the only thing he could hear was silence and the reflective feeling that he could see in those blue eyes. Charles went a little back and started looking at the rest of him. Only then Erik realized that Charles' eyes were roaming through his whole body, looking at him with a mixture of love and lust that sent more shivers down his spine.

"Not what you expected?" he asked anyway, more teasing that he would have normally been.

"Not at all" answered Charles, and that was not exactly what Erik had expected him to say. "You're simply wonderful."

"Charles..." Erik looked impatiently away from him. Charles didn't need to say all those thing just to make him feel comfortable and reassure him, because he knew his body was not something to fawn so much about.

"Shut up and just believe me when I say you're wonderful”, Charles snapped half in his mind and half in whispered words. “And bigger than I thought" he added and that nearly made Erik laugh. Nearly, but he didn't because suddenly Charles' mouth was on him, kissing his thigh with a bit more teeth and tongue that would have been really necessary, and making his way up. His cold hands caressed his hips and pushed a little to make him sit on the edge of the bed. He knew he was panting and he knew he was going to start moaning in less than a few seconds, even if he tried hard to hold it. When finally Charles reached his destination and kiss the tip of his small but erect cock, he made a sound that had to be a moan, but one like no other he had made before. Just feeling Charles' blue eyes devouring him was enough to put him on the edge and he knew this was not going to last much. 

Fortunately, for what he could see between Charles' legs the other man was in a very similar situation, his cock red and pulsing against his stomach. “He must be fighting really hard the impulse of just pumping himself and ending it now” he couldn't help but think and a chuckle resounded in his mind as an answer. Instead, Charles' fingers roamed all over him, caressing his thigh and helping his mouth. God, he was nearly there.

"I won't last much more, Charles" he groaned between gasps and sensed Charles smile against him.

"Is there something you want me to do?" asked Charles, his hot breath against his already wet skin.

"Just... just do it" he panted, his head not clear enough to explain exactly what he meant, but he knew Charles saw the clear and needy image on his mind. Erik felt how a finger touched his erection and Charles' tongue went down, still insecure. He felt how it started to make its way inside of him, and he opened his eyes out of surprise as he started to moan even harder than before. He loved it, he loved every single part of that and maybe he was saying so out loud, just in way more incoherent words. He felt how everything was just a little too hot, how pleasure invaded his whole body and he could do nothing but give in, until he felt the peak coming and rushing through all his body wave after wave. He breathed, trying to put himself together. Just as he started to calm down a bit he heard Charles groan and make sure to look at his eyes at the same time his face contorted in that beautiful way as he spilled on his own hand. 

Seconds passed in which the only thing they could hear was the sound of their panting, while their eyes fixed in each other. Erik wanted to say something, but couldn't think of anything that would be good enough. Past experiences tended to end right in that moment, no afterwords needed. Charles smiled and he smiled back, and suddenly both of them were naked and laughing, not even caring about what. Charles got up, stumbling a little bit as he got over him, hugging him and kissing him. Erik more than happily answered in the same way.

"I think I could use some sleep, don't you?" asked Charles, but he was already making his way to the pillows and sprawling there. 

"I think that's exactly what I need" said Erik and lied beside him, not quite touching his skin. Charles scooted closer and leant his head on Erik's shoulder, his smile fixed on his face. Erik couldn't really stop smiling either, so instead he put his arms around Charles' body and kissed the top of his head. Like that, they let that delicious drowsiness take over both of them.

 

Later that night an unusual weight over his chest woke him up. Confused, he tried to get up, but couldn't move. Before he started panicked, he noticed the heat of flesh against flesh and all the memories from the night came back to him at once. He wanted to smile, but instead he gulped and disengaged himself from Charles arms as carefully as he could. As soon as he was free, he got out of bed and walked to the window. The stars and the moon were shining again outside, its light falling on the pieces over the chessboard, bringing life to their unfinished game.

Distracted, Erik picked up the white king and let it rolled between his fingers. After minutes has passed, he dared to look back at Charles' still form on the bed. He felt warm, looking at his lover sleeping in the bed they had shared their bodies in, but it also clenched his stomach in a way he hadn't been prepare to feel since years ago. He had lost his home, his family, his life... did he dare to belief in this opportunity, in this second chance at being happy? He looked away.

He should not relax, not yet. Not when his family hadn't been avenged, not when his people were in so much danger. He heard a rustle of sheets behind him and soon felt a set of arms around his waist. 

“Having trouble to sleep?” Charles' hot breath caressed his ear, his deep voice luring him out of dark thoughts. He intertwined their fingers together.

“I can't stop thinking about what waits for us mutants. Once we go public...” One strong hand took his and made him face Charles.

“We will be fine,” he assured him in a firm tone as he started to lead Erik back to bed. Once they were again safely surrounded by warm blankets, Charles reclaimed again Erik's chest as his pillow.

“We'll have to fight” he murmured as he kissed Charles' locks.

“Only if it goes that far, only if it is the only way to keep you all safe”.

“It'll be” he said stubbornly. Charles sighed against his chest.

“We'll do what it takes to avoid that, to keep the children safe. We can make it, you and me, together” Charles kissed his lips one last time before closing his eyes and falling sleep again in mere seconds. Erik put his arms around Charles, keeping him as close as possible. He was wide awake and doubted he would fall asleep again that night. His mind was crowded with thoughts of his past, his present and the doubts that ate him about his future and if it was wise to let himself hope for one. He had never had any hope for anything beyond his revenge, but now there was Charles and there were other mutants... something more than worth fighting for. Maybe they could. Maybe Charles and him, together, could fight for a brighter future for their kind. Maybe... 

Without noticing it, he closed his eyes and fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After about a thousand changes, here is the final chapter of this fic. I'm sorry it's taken so long. I want to thank every single one of you, people who read, leave kudos, comments and had been supporting me through this fic. While this is the end of this story, I have another short piece that goes with it and that I may publish when you less expect it ;)


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